Zealous
by lynxzpanther
Summary: A bit of insight into why Red Raymond may act like such a jerk sometimes and yet seems to love Vanessa so whole-heartedly. One-shot. Cheers!


**Not sure what it is with me and the one shots lately! But Red Raymond, for me, was a pretty topsy-turvy figure on my like-scale, and I now have decided to love him. This is not original, but hopefully full of insight. My bit on his bit in this show. ^.^**

**Dislciamer: I disclaim. ;)**

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He wasn't quite sure what had gone wrong, but with Vanessa it always seemed to. He hadn't thought much about Emily when he'd been with Vanessa, but he hadn't meant to hurt her either. He still had his southern gentleman's mentality despite the betrayals in his past and he'd never aimed to intentionally harm a lady, actions be damned. But Vanessa… was beautiful and sexy and young and _there _and it had been so easy to get lost for a while, to feel like a kid again. Hell, they _were _both kids, weren't they? Kids that were irresponsible beyond belief, that had lost him his job, his marriage, and his life as he knew it, but kids just the same.

Yet, Red had never thought about whether or not he _loved _Vanessa, whether she was worth the pain he had put Emily through. She was just a girl then, a pretty girl that spelled disaster just as all the myths forewarned. She was the Pandora of his world, the Medusa to his Poseidon and she certainly wasn't the one getting the snakey end of the deal on this bargain. He left and started again expecting to leave her behind… and was not-so-cheerfully surprised when he didn't forget her at all.

Losing his wife had hurt, from guilt and loss and even a little love. He had loved her, once. Losing his career had made his future start to look like a tunnel that he was getting dragged deeper into as he watched that tiny pinpoint of light fade away; he was pretty sure he'd never see that light again. But losing Vanessa? That was pure Hell.

He needed to be with her again. It wasn't selfish, per se, because he was pretty sure he could leave her be if it meant she'd be happy. But he was _Red Raymond, _and Red Raymond didn't just give up. He didn't even _lose. _Failure wasn't an option. He would aim his new life's path at deserving her, earning her, and getting her back, because there just wasn't anything else he could think of to do.

It didn't help that, by this point, he'd lost track of her. When she left the Hellcats and Lancer upon graduation she created very few paper trails. They were sporadic at best and impossible at worst and he was pretty sure he'd never find her again until she got the job as cheer coach at Lancer.

It was scary how split he felt the moment he found out; it truly hit him just how invested he was in Vanessa then. He was proud of her, smiled at her achievement, wanted to laugh because she'd be happy and she'd be brilliant, but his soul cried. He broke inside in that moment, because of all the places she could have gone, she'd picked the one he was sure he'd almost never get back to. Bill Marsh seemed like a blessing, a godsend, the answer to his desperate prayers when he offered Red a job at Lancer. He could coach again for his dream team. He could try to get the girl! His life could work. He hadn't realized that the hard part of the ordeal had only just begun.

He learned a lot in those years without her, and part of that was when to push and when to let up. He learned to fess up to his mistakes and swallow his pride like a real man. He learned to say "I'm sorry" and where it applied, he did not hesitate to say those two simple words to her. Vanessa was his world.

He wasn't perfect; he was far from anywhere in the league of perfect. He'd hurt her on that first day with callous remarks, but she'd hurt him first with her cold, calculated rejection. Challenging her boyfriend had been stupid, even if the man had gotten his blood boiling as he assumed that this was some stupid power play on Red's part, that the feelings he had for Vanessa weren't real. Ten years driven by them, they were _everything _real. Punching Derek had been stupid; he'd repaid it with promises to Vanessa that he'd kept and she smiled through her suspicions because someday she _would _trust him again. He had to believe it. When he kissed her—she was engaged!—it was a mistake. It was the best moment of his decade, yes, but a mistake, because she'd trusted him and he'd let her down. He was a failure, and he meant his apologies whole-heartedly. He was biased, but he wasn't an asshole, and Derek _was _a good man. A lucky man, and a good one, and he didn't deserve all the things Red hoped would happen to him. More importantly, Vanessa didn't deserve them either.

That hadn't saved him the blow to his gut, his psyche, when he found out she was getting married in days, not months. Days. No hope, all chances gone, and she was terrified. How could she want it if she was terrified? But he was biased, she was right, and he let her go.

She came back. She didn't marry Derek. He was a nice guy, a good guy, but not the _right _guy, and maybe Red _could _be that. He hoped.

But she said she couldn't be _that _woman—she'd looked at him like he was crazy when he asked _what _woman she meant—because she couldn't see that she could never be that woman. Beautiful, amazing, loving and wise Vanessa could never be a slut, and though he'd made her "the other woman" once he would never put her in that position again (he hoped, though he'd kissed her when she'd been engaged and that was _wrong). _She ran away and he watched her go, helpless to what he'd really done wrong. He'd pushed. He really needed to perfect that pushing.

But she came back, again. She told him that it was okay to push, that sometimes she needed it, and he said those two simple words ("I'm sorry") anyways because he was. He always would be. So he was honest and real and he brought up long forgotten memories of naked antics and hotel lobbies and she laughed. He looked at her with love and wondered how she couldn't see it, because surely it showed in his eyes? This much love could never be contained.

He answered her every question and thanked God for those ten years, for the reflection he'd forced himself through, because he could give her answers and they looked like the right ones. He had loved Emily, but they hadn't worked. He was sorry for hurting her, but she was never his _the one. _She was to him what Derek had been to Vanessa; not a mistake, but not the right choice. He explained his feelings for her, subtly so that she didn't feel threatened by his words.

She opened up. She explained. She understood and his world had hope and she _kissed _him and the world was right again. Her little hellcat interrupted them but that was okay; it was like the old days but so much sweeter with so much less on the line. It was so much more important.

He'd spend forever winning back her trust, her love, if only she'd let him. From where they were standing (laying) right now, it looked like he'd get his chance. Red had never been more thrilled for a challenge in his life.

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**Not so bad? Reviews, please, are love (or hate, but as Savannah says, positive outcomes only!). ^.^ ~Lynx**


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